It’s Diwali time! Everyone’s looking forward to a weekend of festivities, binging on their favourite mithai and raking in some extra cash during the obligatory teen patti games. It’s also a time when people indulge in the highly debated activity of bursting crackers. We’ve all done it before. But this year, with air pollution in the country at an all-time high and AQIs that could easily be mistaken for Virat Kohli’s latest knock, we suggest you don’t partake in those activities this Diwali. To compensate for the lack of big bangs, we’re dropping some truth bombs for standup comedians and audiences alike. It’s going to make up for all the missing noise (and more), as people debate with each other and us for spitting straight up facts. Let the drama unfold!

All Comedy Is Not For You

Haan hasna tha. Stop asking that every time you don’t find a joke funny. News flash—every comedian out there isn’t going to cater to your very specific interests every single time. Sometimes it’s okay to not enjoy a performance and just scroll past without saying “komedi”. It might be hard at first but we believe in you. 

It’s Not The Audience’s Fault

The audience plays an integral role in any standup performance. The energy in the room is equally defined by the people in the seats and the person on stage. And when the joke doesn’t land, all the rules of physics fall through and time comes to a standstill. It’s absolutely possible that it’s just an off night. There could be some devastating news (which there is plenty of lately) which has thrown everyone off their game or it’s just a tough crowd of hecklers. But as a comedian, it’s your job to win over the audience with your humour, right? So, the next time you try to blame the crowd for a bomb, maybe play your jokes back to yourself in your head and truthfully answer the question, “Was that really funny?”

Punching Down Is Not Dark Humour

People on the internet are always going to try and be edgy. They’ll take to 4chan and Reddit to voice their problematic opinions and seek validation. They use the term “dark comedy” as a shield against their and their favourite comedians’ bigoted opinions. We’re all for dark humour. Heck, Anthony Jeselnik is quoted at least thrice in the DeadAnt office daily. But you can’t pass off punching down as “dark humour” and expect not to be called out. That’s not how it works, fam. 

Keep Your Thoughts To Yourself At Shows

We thought this unspoken rule for the audience members is one everybody would get but here we are stating the obvious—nobody wants to hear your tags and punchlines. Stop interrupting the flow and throwing the comedian’s rhythm for a toss with your quips and wisecracks. We get it, you have lots to say and are incredibly funny. But get up on stage and do that on your own time. Tonight is about the comedian up on stage, not you. 

A Special Needs To Be Special

A comedy special is a showcase of a comedian’s best work. It tells you everything you need to know about them—from their comedic style to what grinds their gears. It takes years of on-stage experience to whittle down all those jokes and thoughts into a concise hour. Since standup comedy started booming in India and streaming platform were paying boatloads to acquire comedy specials, we’ve seen quite a few “specials” which should ideally have just been released to YouTube. You can’t speed up the process of getting a good hour. Give it time. There’s a reason even some of the best international players haven’t dropped an hour yet.

Stop Asking For Videos

We’ve already established that it takes a lot of hard work to write a joke let alone an entire set. So, it’s puts a lot of pressure on artists when fans demand a new video every single day. Unlike music where fans want to see the artist perform their hit single again and again for comedians it’s back to square one because comedy relies on the surprise of not knowing a punchline. Be a little less demanding and a little more kind to your favourite performers. And if you’re so starved for content, catch them at a live show maybe?