A part of our childhoods is over today.

For an awkward teenager who had trouble giving or receiving hugs from the other gender, who was overweight and under-confident in large groups at first, Chandler Bing was a saviour. I didn’t so much as use Chandler’s humour in my personality, as I made my entire teenage personality into Chandler Bing (heck, my WhatsApp display picture is a Chandler moment). Jokes became my defense mechanism and my way of fitting into the world. And when I had Chandler’s one liners as my armour, could I be any more confident? I wasn’t good at advice back then, but I sure did interest everyone with my sarcastic comments.

Through Chandler, I discovered Matthew Perry. And my love for Chandler turned into a long lasting bond with all things Matt. I watched every movie he starred in. I laughed along to Fools Rush In, Three to Tango, and The Whole Nine (and Ten) Yards, I was inspired by The Ron Clark Story, I was moved by his indies Numb and Birds of America (thank God for torrents). I watched 17 Again, not for the many Zac Efron portions, but for the few Matthew Perry ones. I saw all his TV shows and lived the pain of the cancellations of Go On and Mr. Sunshine.

Then I stumbled upon Studio 60 on the Sunset Trip, and I was forever different. I downloaded the show when I was at studying engineering at NIT Kurukshetra, and was forever corrupted by creativity. On watching Matthew Perry’s character, Matt Albie, I knew that’s exactly who I wanted to be in life—a writer-producer. I came to Mumbai for a vacation, went to Bandstand, and declared to the seas that I’ll be a Matt Albie too. It’s a journey that I started in 2006, and continue to bear the fruits of till today. Matthew Perry changed my life.

I tried, during my journalism years, to interview him many times, just so I could tell him how much he means to me (I was hopeless and awkward and desperate for it). I was unsuccessful repeatedly, but I did end up speaking to the creators of Friends (Marta Kaufman and David Crane) and the creator of Studio 60 (Aaron Sorkin) so that I could be one degree of separation from Matthew Perry. I spoke about him to everyone, hoping that one day I’d be able to make it through to him.

I understood why he didn’t give interviews for many years once I read his autobiography earlier this year. His ceaseless battle with drug addiction had consumed his adult life, and it broke my heart to see the pain in every page of his book and his life. I cannot fathom what it meant to live a life where you couldn’t experience the comfort and warmth that so many of us did through you.

It was so hard to see him speak the way he did during the Friends Reunion. And it’s so hard to know he won’t be there anymore, and the only way we get to tell him how much he means to us is through obituaries like this. He didn’t deserve the pain he went through with drugs, and I hope wherever he is today, he’s finally found the peace he struggled to find as an adult.

I’m sorry life wasn’t as full of joy for you as you made it for us, Matt. Your smile lit up our lives, your jokes made us less uncomfortable, your heart made us long for our version of Chandler and Monica. You were a once-in-a-generation phenomenon. You may be no more today, but I promise you, all your characters will live through us forever. Thank you for the memories. this chapter of our lives will be The One Without Our F.R.I.E.N.D.

Photo courtesy Policy Exchange under Creative Commons license.