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Random Meow-sings: Cats are Taking Over the World, & They’re Starting With Indian Comedians

By Mihika Jindal 7 June 2019

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If you think we still live in a dog-dominated pet world, think again. It is currently under threat by their nemesis: cats. In the comedy world alone, we’ve noticed that an awful lot of Indian comics have a feline obsession. Are they just “cat people”, or is something else going on?

Studies (our own) have shown that cats are easier pets in general—they don’t need early morning walks or your constant attention, they know how to entertain themselves (and you), they figure out their poo spaces and schedules quicker, and don’t send your guilt meter through the roof with greedy eyes and sad faces every time you pull out food. They’re also affectionate AF, for whoever spread the dirty rumour that they’re cold-hearted and don’t care for snuggles.

Given the erratic schedules and intensive travelling integral to every comedian’s lifestyle, which frequently gets lonely, these fiercely independent creatures are the perfect companions.

Meet five cats who’ve been gracious enough to give these funny hoomans a space in their hearts.

Mitch vs Abhishek Upmanyu

Mitch loves that black office chair. And he’s extra energetic. Mitch rules Upmanyu’s Instagram with cuteness overloads across his feed. Upmanyu may not realise it just yet, but Mitch’s meow-ing every time Upmanyu nudges him is just his way of allowing Upmanyu to think he’s the one in control. Whereas in reality we’re almost certain Mitch is writing his own one-hour special with Upmanyu as the protagonist.

Louie & Arya vs Rohan Joshi

Rohan Joshi throws out seemingly mean and edgy captions on all his cat photos, in a futile attempt to get into their heads. However, we’re worried he’s being played. The only reason he doesn’t know it yet is that both Louie and Arya seem well-fed and perpetually rested—why mess with that? But we’re worried it’s only a matter of time before they take over. Joshi’s Instagram account, for instance, already belongs to them.

Amber, Neo & Loki vs Daniel Fernandes

Amber looks way more forgiving than the others. She seems to mind her own business, loves to snooze (including in his bathroom sink), and lets Danny have his way, even when he’s trying to dog-caption her pictures. Loki is the youngest child, and seemingly the least of Danny’s worries. But Neo isn’t messing around. Neo means business. He reminds us of Shifu from Kung Fu Panda, always ready with words of random wisdom. Like this one.

We tried asking Fernandes if his cats are jerks, as the general myth goes, to which he immediately responded saying, “my cats are not assholes. They’re absolute sweethearts.” Two minutes later, he was ready to tell us the truth, but made us swear we wouldn’t ever tell them. We swore, took an oath even, but Fernandes disappeared thereafter. We’re not making this up.

Bumboo vs Kaneez Surka

If you dismissed our claim above, and don’t immediately agree that people are turning into cat-people, here’s proof.

They say pets take after their owners, and that’s why we believe that Bumboo, just like Surka, has to be the most easy-going cat there is, who is generally having fun generally lazing around.

Dilbar & Jaaneman vs Varun Grover

Grover is being wise. He’s not fighting the supreme feline rule, he’s accepted his fate graciously. He exists in their service—from brushing them, to engaging them with lattus, and playing back old Bollywood music from the ’80s to them. If there’s an apocalypse tomorrow, and cats find a way to live, they’re definitely taking Grover with them.

And his cats are legit seeking world domination. “My cats are angels. They don’t break stuff or bite or scratch strangers. Only when left alone for more than three days, one of them starts peeing on our travelling suitcases so that his smell travels with us to new lands and he conquers the world vicariously,” Grover told us, dead serious.

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