Eating Salad Drunk: Haikus for the Burnout Age by Comedy Greats

By DA Staff 13 December 2022 2 mins read

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One of our favourite releases this year is this anthology of “hilarious, poignant, and (sometimes) dirty haikus about living and coping in our modern burnout age,” by global comedy stars who have really been crafting jokes in a similar three-line format their whole careers—just not without a mic in hand. Edited by Gabe Henry, writer, editor and manager of the Brooklyn comedy venue Littlefield, Eating Salad Drunk is perfect for comedy fans who aren’t entirely sold on poetry or reading yet, but regularly entertain the idea of getting into both one day, adding and rearranging books on their shelves in anticipation.

Aparna Nancherla writes in her forward, “Tweets, ’grams, Snapchats, and TikToks—it seems everything these days can be boiled down to a few seconds or a minute of commitment as a consumer.” Which is probably why Eating Salad Drunk is now a bestseller, seeing as it only takes about three Pomodoro sessions to get through. Oh, and it has little drawings too, by New Yorker cartoonist Emily Flake, for anyone who finds dense text overwhelming (this paragraph has been a weird sell, ngl).

Contributors include Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Ian Black, Aubrey Plaza, Margaret Cho, Maria Bamford, Ray Romano, Aparna Nancherla, Ziwe Fumudoh, Chris Gethard, Sasheer Zamata, Colin Mochrie, Zach Woods and more—but whether or not you care about who these people are (!), these punchy little poems are likely to make you smile, grin, giggle, and choke on your whiskey sours. Here are a few that stood out to us on first read:

What is a haiku?

How many syllables per—

…Siri, what is a

Zach Woods

Do I Feel Like Doing Anything?

no no no no no
no no no no no no no
no no no no no

Ziwe Fumudoh

I’ve said it before
And I will say it again.
I’ve said it before.

Ariel Elias

I limit myself to one cup of coffee each five to ten minutes.

Alyssa Limperis

Unicorns are loved…

But narwhals really exist…

And nobody cares?

Liz Magee

You guys, I did it.
Hot dogs with Goldfish crackers.
The saddest dinner.
Christian Finnegan

Shall I compare thee
To a summer’s day? I think
You are kinda hot.

Kyle Ayers

“Sorry, just saw this!”
He says, and I believe him
Because I want to.

Karen Chee

How many minutes
Must I wait to like a post
To not seem thirsty?

Sierra Katow

Eggs over easy
Always has the appearance
Of a murder scene.

Jerry Seinfeld

All author proceeds for Eating Salad Drunk go towards Comedy Gives Back, a nonprofit that provides mental health, medical, and crisis support resources for comedians. The book is available on


DA Staff

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