After releasing his debut standup special Childish Behaviour in 2018, Sahil Shah is back with a brand new hour. But this time, things are slightly different. Shah has embraced the dark side on his latest hour titled Broken, which releases on his YouTube channel tomorrow at 8 pm. Calling it an “existential crisis on stage”, Shah told us he has shed his childish behaviour to embrace a more mature version of himself—one that is not afraid to ask questions about his purpose and the meaning of life.
He’s workshopped the special for half a decade and is finally ready to let go and move on to other things. Before this new chapter in Shah’s comedic journey unfolds, we caught up with him to know more about his nerves leading up to the release, how fans have reacted to this new version of him sans bow-tie and who Sahil Shah, the person, is. He’s got some heart-felt advice for the ‘broken’ people out there too. Read on.
Give us a little teaser into what ‘Broken’ is about.
The premise is pretty simple. I feel broken. And throughout the show, I am taking steps to fix myself. That is the whole idea. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I don’t feel comfortable with my thoughts. I don’t feel comfortable with the person I am. I talk about my mental health. I talk about death. I talk about what is the point of life. It’s kind of like an existential crisis that I am going through on stage till I sort of find a solution as to what is my purpose. I want the world to see something that is me. Not Sahil Shah, the comedian, but Sahil Shah, the person. That’s what the show is all about.
How long did you take to write the show and how much did it evolve over the years?
It’s taken five years for me to finally reach a point where I can let it go. After Childish Behaviour, I started working on a show that would sort of be the antithesis to it. I wanted to tell the world that look, I’m not childish anymore, I’ve grown up. And as I was writing it, lockdown happened and that really took a toll on my mental health. I remember having multiple breakdowns at the time. And this show was almost like this form of catharsis, of going through whatever I am feeling and processing it.
Because during that time I was really questioning everything—including my purpose, what life is all about. From talking to 100-200 people every night to talking to nobody… my job was gone overnight, you know. And it gave me a major existential crisis. And as I was writing this thing I realised this is what the show is going to be about.
I was getting older also. So I was like, okay, I turned 30 during the lockdown, plus I’m experiencing an existential crisis, plus I am questioning my purpose in life—all that culminated into this show. And eventually after performing it so many times over the last five years I thought it was ready for a release.
How has your experience been performing ‘Broken’ over the last five years?
I still have the recording of the first time I performed the show on Zoom—people have cried. I have also cried. They’ve cried with me. And as I performed the show more, obviously, you know, the material became second-hand. But there have been times when the room was so emotionally charged. I remember, when I performed on my last day at the Soho Theatre, I cried on stage. When I taped, I cried. Both recordings, I cried.
Because it was almost like a farewell to this part of my life. So, this is what it’s been like. It was surprisingly emotional. You wouldn’t expect me to do something like this. The whole idea of the show is that I want the world to see something that is deeply personal. I want the world to see something that is me.
And how have fans reacted to this new side of you?
First off, there are goofy moments throughout, don’t worry. That part of me can’t die. There will be goofy moments throughout. But the beauty of the show is that I’ve done my best to show you everything that I can do as a comedian. I want to show you storytelling. I want to show you goofy stuff. But I also want to show that I can be vulnerable on stage. And I can talk about the things that really are getting to me. And it’s kind of like that show where the audience starts of being like—okay, haha, joke, joke. And then they’re like, man, okay, I didn’t expect this sort of a ride.
So, yeah, some audience members got really emotional. A comedy show that gets you to cry, I don’t think I could have ever done something like that. I’ve seen people in the second, third row wiping tears. I’ve had people just come up and give me a hug after the show saying, thanks, I guess I needed this. And it’s been a very interesting journey. Because see, at the end of the day, I’m a comedian. I’m not here to manipulate your emotions. I’m not here to make you feel a certain way. I’m only telling you how I feel. And if you resonate with my thoughts, then that’s it. I’m not forcing you to do anything. And when I see people go through those feelings with me, it’s a little weird, exciting and sort of unbelievable that my story connects so well with y’all.
What was the feeling like when you finally recorded the special?
Honestly, I didn’t want to let it go, it’s as simple as that. I honestly think it’s my best work. I can’t top anything after this. Everything from the beginning to the end adheres to a theme. There’s a thought. There’s a central idea. Why is the set a jigsaw puzzle? It’s a jigsaw puzzle because there are two screens where the videos come in. But if you notice from the trailer, those screens are blank, which means my jigsaw puzzle is incomplete.
Every part from the set to the way we shot it, to the jokes—everything has been put into an overarching theme. I don’t think I can top something like it.
I want to give a huge shout out, genuinely, to every single member of the team too. My best friend, Siddharth Vasani has always been my creative partner. He also directed Childish Behavior. I approached him. He helped me direct it. Siddharth Talwar helped me with the sound. Prachi Deshpande created this amazing set. There has been a lot of thought that’s gone into the lighting, set design, sound and direction. We have tried our level best to make something special. The idea was to create something that has never come out before from my side. All my friends came together. It was almost like a collective project.
So are we going to see more of this ‘new’ Sahil Shah?
I have embraced this brand new personality of me, where I am allowing myself to talk about deeper topics, if that is the right way to put it. Earlier it was just jokes. But with this new material I have embraced who I am now. That I am an older comedian. And I have many more things to talk about. Like, one of the shows that I’m working on right now—I’ve not yet developed it—but I really still want to talk a lot about death. I feel that it’s something we don’t laugh at, but I’ve had like a lot of death happen recently in my life. And I want to talk about it. So, it’s kind of like a version of Sahil who’s not afraid to touch upon topics that I wouldn’t have five years ago. Five years ago, no one would know anything about me.
I would like to say, if Sahil Shah is a person and Sahil Shah is a comedian, I think it’s high time Sahil Shah, the person, starts coming out on stage. And this show marks the break point where the comedian personality kind of subsides and the real personality comes out, right? Because it’s kind of me saying, hey, I don’t want to put on a mask anymore. Yes, I will make you laugh. Yes, I will make you have fun. But you also need to understand that I also have things going on in my life.
Who would you recommend people watch the special with?
Watch it with college friends. I would say if anyone is a pet parent, watch it with a pet parent. It hits very hard if you’re a pet parent. But I would say watch it with your friends. Watch it with a group of friends. Watch it with your family. Watch it with anyone and everyone. It’s got everything for everyone. That’s what I wanted this special to be. But I would say the best thing is sit with your friends and family. Watch it from start to end. That’s my only request. Don’t pause. Do not get distracted. Just commit to one hour with me and it’ll be worth it. That’s all.
Are you nervous about the release?
I’m very nervous. I didn’t want to release the show honestly. I didn’t want to tape it. I was happy doing it for another five years. I would have happily done it kept and it would have kept on evolving. In fact, the last chunk of the special changed over the last six months. But I realised, at some point of time I need to put it out if I need to move on to writing other things. I know that I’m putting it out during a time where people’s attention spans have become 10-seconds-long. You can fast-forward reels now.
Will many people watch it? I don’t know. Will less people watch it? I don’t know. All these thoughts are going through my head. I think I’ve just come to terms with the fact that I personally feel I have created something that I consider art. And if you also consider it art and you watch it and enjoy it that’s it. It’s out there, it’s up for the audience to decide whether they want to relish it or not. I did my part. Now it’s your turn.
What’s one piece of advice you would like to give to people who resonate with the way you are broken?
Life is very unpredictable. Anything can happen at any time and I’ve said it in the special and I’ll say it now—if you like someone as a friend, as a person, as an artist or even in a very weird way but as a mentor-mentee situation—talk to them. Tell them you love them. I’ve started doing that lately. I’ve started telling a lot of people I love them because I don’t know… like it sounds very James Bond but what if tomorrow actually never comes. If I go tomorrow I just want to know that I’ve told everybody I love them.
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