This week’s “8 PM with PM” session on Tuesday was a masterclass in how to have everyone’s attention and only leave them more confused than they were 10 minutes ago. The meandering 30 minute speech touched upon Y2K, global warming, International Yoga Day, pillars and Swadeshi 2.0, but left out any concrete details about what to expect on 17 May. Worst of all, there was no mention of whether liquor stores will ever open again.
When in doubt as we all are now, leave it to the comedians to break it down. Watch these 7 videos to get the full low-down on the PM’s speech. Maximum entertainment, guaranteed.
1. Danish Sait
Danish Sait has been terrific company during the lockdown, bravely picking up imaginary phones on his imaginary friends and finding ways to remain at the forefront of lockdown updates. Less than an hour after the speech concluded on Tuesday, Sait put out a conversation echoing the thoughts in everyone’s heads. “So tomorrow onwards everything is open or everything is closed?” he asks. “His speeches should come with a Skip Intro button, da,” he suggests in another conversation. Watch.
2. Saloni Gaur/Nazma Aapi
Comedian Saloni Gaur’s alter-ego Nazma Aapi’s recent takes on the everyday Indian experience have been so hilariously on point, it tends to win and shut down the internet for the day. In the latest instalment, she thanks Modi for his motivating speech on Tuesday, complete with advice for him (use Google maps), and the reassurance that she has been going the ‘vocal for local’ way (Abibas > Adidas) long before he turned it into a catchy slogan. Bonus: a zinger about the most aatma-nirbhar segment of society right now, and a special request for the next lockdown.
3. Varun Thakur/Vicky Malhotra
Varun Thakur’s alter-ego Vicky Malhotra is now struggling for different reasons – he’s fed up of being in lockdown and listening to birds chirping. When Modi didn’t say anything about lifting the lockdown, Malhotra complained about it all over the internet, calling the speech a “perfect example of a meeting that could have been an email, could have been a text, could have been a tweet, and could have just…not been.” It didn’t help that it was so complicated to understand. He’s Vicky Malhotra, after all, he points out, not Harivansh Rai Bachchan. The only silver lining? He was inspired to come up with a stimulus package for himself, which he is probably negotiating with his dad as we speak.
4. Punya Arora/Sweety ke Saath SomeAchaar
There may be too much wordplay going on there with comedian Punya Arora’s new alter ego Savage Sweety, but she feels the same way about Modi and his speech yesterday. In her quick recap, she struggles to find key takeaways for her viewers but powers through anyway. East ya West…(Sweety is the best?)
5. Aadar Malik/Mahesh Mawali
Kya bolta Instantgram, whatever would we do without Mahesh Mawali’s sachh ki gawahi, amirite? Aadar Malik’s alter-ego wanted to be in a position to be explain the point of the speech to his fellow punter-log, but despite being in Hindi, the entire thing went completely over his head. So long, that it felt like an Ashutosh Gowariker film, and filled with so much suspense, it could’ve been written by Abbas-Mustan. Bottomline? Pfft…
6. Kusha Kapila/Komolika
“Komolika is the most aatmanirbhar person I know,” Kusha Kapila declared in the caption of a video calling for her fans to help her understand wtf being aatmanirbhar even means. Her (alter-ego’s) contribution? Sipping wine in an empty bathtub, “brainstorming” with herself on how to achieve this newly announced ideal state while she waits for the comments section to fill up with suggestions.
7. Dolly Singh
Dolly Singh felt a deeper connection with Modi on Tuesday than her peers. Unlike everyone else, she was able to read between the lines and get herself some solid breakup advice from Dear Leader. To help others who may need to hear it too, she’s edited the key advice into a video, in which we see Modi both commiserating with her and giving her tough love. Like a true blue BFF who’s finally sick of your shit and endless weeping. A pep talk like no other. No, really.