Do you need to win the Secret Santa Championship this year? You do not. Mostly because there is no such thing. Also because the beauty of Secret Santa is that no one ever has to know you suck at gifting. But would it feel good if you did end up buying the perfect present for someone you actually do want to see smile? You may enjoy that more than you think. And so, in the spirit of giving and gifting and feeling all the feels, here’s a list of things that should get you all the points (and Christmas dinner leftovers) this weekend.
1. Dolly Singh x Rad Living Luxury Candles
Luxury candle brand Rad Living has a fresh batch of 15 scents out in collaboration with Dolly Singh. We haven’t tried them ourselves yet, but between peach lemonade, orange-lime, and ocean scents, the fragrances sound promising. Plus they come with cutesy names that Singh’s fans will love—Saste Nashe, Nazar Blocker, Charam Sukh Praapti, 8 Hours of Sleep.
We’re adding Calm Kutti (neroli), Fuckboi Repeller (bergamot, cinnamon) and Great Sex, No Stress, Big Cheques (French lavender) to our cart because ’tis the season to get your shit together. Ok, maybe we’ll also throw in the ocean-scented Goa Trip as an ode to the annual tradition of pretending you and your friends are actually going to follow through on that NYE plan. Every time December comes around, hope springs eternal, idk what to tell you.
Price: Select candles are on sale now for Rs 499 upwards apiece; bundles of 3 and 6 are available for Rs 1,299 and Rs 2,499 respectively. Visit radliving.in
2. Sakshi Shivdasani x Anushka Jain Jewellery
One of Indian Instagram’s sassiest voices, Sakshi Shivdasani teamed up with Anushka Jain Jewellery a few months ago to co-design a six-piece collection that feels pretty aligned with her existing style (and the GRWM videos through which she showcases it). There are two heart pendants to choose from—the kind you doodle into your diary when you’re hopelessly in love and suffering romantic delusions; and the other that you’ve only ever seen on Grey’s Anatomy and in your Biology practicals. Not heart-ing that vibe? Get a B**b J*b, a pendant shaped like a set of magnificent breasts. There are also two variations of the ‘Basic Gal’ hoops, and a septum ring for whoever still thinks it makes them edgy. The entire collection is crafted in sterling silver with gold plating.
Price: Starts at Rs 1,800; visit anushkajainjewellery.com.
3. Swineryy x Meorchh
Premium combed cotton sweaters and unisex hoodies embroidered with your favourite Swineryy animoji characters, including Alien, Blue Molvi Saab, Fuckboy, Shazia’s Dottuh, Liddle Assheol Barturr, MissMiss and the OG Pig, all accompanied by their catchphrases. A bunch have already sold out, so you’d best stop reading and place an order immediately—this merch moves fast, and Swineryy takes months, sometimes longer, to get another batch going, despite desperate pleas from fans across the border.
Price: Rs 1,900 for the hoodies, and between Rs 6000-6,500 for the sweaters; use code XMAS10 at checkout for 10% off on all orders. Available at swineryy.com.
4. Eating Salad Drunk: Haikus for the Burnout Age by Comedy Greats
An anthology of “hilarious, poignant, and (sometimes) dirty haikus about living and coping in our modern burnout age,” by global comedy stars who have been crafting jokes in a similar three-line format their whole careers—just not without a mic in hand.
Edited by Gabe Henry, writer, editor and manager of the Brooklyn comedy venue Littlefield, Eating Salad Drunk is perfect for comedy fans who aren’t entirely sold on poetry or reading yet but regularly entertain the idea of getting into both one day, adding and rearranging books on their shelves in anticipation. Contributors include Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Ian Black, Aubrey Plaza, Margaret Cho, Maria Bamford, Ray Romano, Aparna Nancherla, Ziwe Fumudoh, Chris Gethard, Sasheer Zamata, Colin Mochrie, Zach Woods and more. Here are 10 wee excerpts that’ll have you sold.
Price: Rs 930 on amazon.in
5. Seth Rogen: Houseplant
There are few celebrities as synonymous with weed and the fight for marijuana legalisation as Seth Rogen. Last year, the 38-year-old comedian, actor and director successfully launched his Canadian cannabis company Houseplant—which he started with longtime writing partner Evan Goldberg in 2019—in the US, with a range of accessories as well as three special strains of chronic that are only available in California as of now.
While you can’t get the pot shipped to India, you might fancy the line of home products—including an aluminium and leather lighter-cum-ashtray, and a set of three high-friendly vinyl records—which aim to use design to raise the status of pot-smoking from clandestine habit to integral lifestyle choice. Our favourites? The flip top lighters and matchbox sets that come in delicious colours, and are perfect to set the world on fire this holiday season.
Price: starts at US$ 69; available at houseplant.com. It’s US-only, however, so if you’re anywhere else in the world, find a willing friend/relative flying down for Christmas week and dump them with some excess baggage
6. Lego: Sitcom-Inspired Builds
If you’re obsessed with toy sets, Lego has some pretty incredible building kits inspired by the biggest and greatest sitcoms and their most famous scenes. Each one comes packed with easter eggs that are absolutely delightful for hardcore fans to discover as they spend the week putting it together and then making very enthusiastic videos about the process. Fun to collect, make great gifts. Our picks for this block party are the Friends (Central Perk + Apartments) sets, Seinfeld, The Office.
Price: Rs 8,000 upwards on amazon.in, with the promise of turning into a far more valuable collectible over time, especially in secondary markets.
7. Custom Dundie Award
Fans of The Office will buy you dinner first if you find the right words to slap onto an engraving of a custom Dundie. An award bestowed annually by Dunder Mifflin Scranton regional manager and world’s best boss Michael Scott in order to boost his team’s morale, you can now present your favourite funny person a knock-off of their own. We don’t know if you want to pick from some of Scott’s existing categories—Hottest In The Office, Tight-Ass and Kind of a Bitch aren’t likely to go down well—but here’s an opportunity to get real creative, while making the silliest thing meaningful. Best suited for close friends and colleagues. Please note, the John Mayer Dundie Award is used for representation purposes only.
Price: from Rs 1,600, available at etsy.com
8. Be A Bassi, Wear The T-Shirt
Anubhav Singh Bassi launched a whole range of merchandise a while ago, but the one that really made us laugh out loud is the round-neck tee that says Buddy, Aapke Father Aaye Hain, referencing one of his most popular jokes from his iconic Roommate set. At the time it dropped on YouTube, this bit inspired several months’ worth of memes; we’re just here to remind you that you can now wear it on a t-shirt.
Price: Rs 649, available on beabassi.com in sizes M-XXL.
9. DIY Frozen Banana: Arrested Development
A Bluth family special from the Bluth’s Original Frozen Banana Stand, this one’s for the cheap, those who left all their shopping for the last minute, and fans of the popular sitcom Arrested Development. It’s an idiot-proof two-ingredient recipe plus whatever toppings you want to get creative with. Ready? Shove a peeled banana in the freezer. While it’s getting hard (please relax), melt some dark chocolate on low heat on a pan. Dip the banana into the chocolate (or pour over, depending on your skill level) for the OG version, and then sprinkle some crushed and lightly salted peanuts over it. Or level up to The G.O.B. which is more complicated, seeing as it needs double the chocolate and double the nuts—wild. Other possible toppings for those without any imagination include chocolate sprinkles, rainbow sprinkles, roasted almonds, cinnamon crunch, pecans, cookie crumbles and peanut butter crumbles. Once you’re done, toss it back into the freezer till you’re ready to serve.
Price: whatever you’ve bargained your local fruit vendor down to; available everywhere, stop it.
10. Bo Burnham’s ‘Inside (The Songs)’: Deluxe Vinyl Box Set
Bo Burnham’s comedy variety special (film? audio-visual mindfuck?) Inside was an absolute masterpiece that captured the essence of 2020-2021 like nothing else. Written, directed, filmed, edited and performed entirely by Burnham without a crew in his LA home over 18 months of quarantine, the special was a heady mix of standup comedy, monologues and music that won him six 2021 Emmy Awards. The track titled Bezos was an instant hit on TikTok and Instagram Reels and All Eyes On Me was the first comedy song to ever slip into the Billboard Global 200 charts. All 20 tracks are available now in a gorgeously designed limited edition triple vinyl box set, with a bonus 13 tracks from the Inside Outtakes, 13 score tracks, and a book of lyrics so you can be a rebel at your Christmas choir. Gifting an elder millennial? He’s also made CDs and black shell cassettes (US$ 15 each)—expect squeals and mild confusion.
Price: Rs 7,500 (approx), available at shopboburnham.com