Dead Ant

Everything but the Girl: Manik Mahna Has Planned His Wedding Down to the Last Detail

By DA Staff 3 July 2019

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If you’ve ever thought of Manik Mahna as “marriage material”, turns out you were right onto something. A recent string of stream-of-consciousness tweets, after a month-long hiatus from the social platform, revealed that the comedian has thought long and hard about his dream wedding during his time-out.

See? We’re not even click baiting you, fam. Pop into the thread above, or save yourself a click, here’s Mahna’s full wish list:

  1. Firstly, on 4 bodyguards who stand around me all the time protecting me from all lipstick kisses
  2. An elephant of course, and 4 skateboards, one for each of its feet so its not like cruel or anything.
  3. A licensed version of windows for the djs laptop and a big airport type screen that shows live how much ice cream and gulab jamun are left.
  4. 100 tracksuits of all sizes, to wear once everyone has seen each others clothes with water balloons in their pockets because who knows what will happen of you give ppl a chance.
  5. A vending machine with a white moustache that loudly says where’s your drink and gives a you a light slap if you put money in it
  6. A tiger, for when i want to wrap it up.
  7. A tall stool, so people can stand on it to look for their friends
  8. One huge garland that just goes around the venue, so technically everyone is wearing it
  9. A photographer but no camera. You can ask them to take a photo of you with your phone, so I don’t have to keep transferring shit later.
  10. A stand up comedian who keeps shouting “you guys warmed up YES? let’s keep that energy going! ” at regular intervals during the ceremony.
  11. Those little led fairy lights that girls put on the walls of their room to prepare for depression. But around my head so everyone can see where I am at all times, incase someone wants to blow me a flying kiss.
  12. A bouquet of fake flowers that we shall play passing the parcel with so everyone can claim to have given (and also received) a bouquet.
  13. A box full of those little spoons ajay devgan eats pan masala with so you can taste all the different brown gravys one by one to see which one you think will go best with that rice with 2 peas in it.
  14. A male and female mannequin with folded hands, on a rotating table. So everybody feels personally welcomed.
  15. A bar full of Aquaguards that give whiskey but start playing that horrible music if you fill more than 60ml
  16. A wax statue of sardar patel (taller than the cake) just in case.
  17. That guy who makes the monkeys fake marry each other at traffic signals, for people at the back who can’t get a proper view.
  18. A cake made of fruits, so if you didn’t like it, its nature’s fault
  19. A live band that plays national anthem everytime someone takes 3 gulabjamuns in one katori so we can all stop for a minute to analyse, whether true bravery lies in being able to follow your heart or in being able to control it.
  20. Huge billboards with passport photos of the parents of both the bride and groom, so people know everywhere is smoking zone except around these 4 people.

Can’t wait for congratulations to be in order, just so we can sit back and watch this shit go down for real.

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